The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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