apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
