Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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