I like my sex mixed with concussions.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
