You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
