I think my fart just growled at me.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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