Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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