sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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