I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you would pick up someone in the library
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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