so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
