I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Randomize
