so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
