And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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