just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
