once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
