i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
