just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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