it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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