I want to have your abortion
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
