you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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