I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
