Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
