You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
