please come you make the beer taste better
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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