Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
