I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
