Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
