Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
