Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
