Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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