I wannas sexs uuuuu
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
