garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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