Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
