i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
