some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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