She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
