Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
