he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize