The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
