I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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