is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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