My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
