During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
