I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
