I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
