tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Floor bacon is actually really good
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
