I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
