My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm always down for nudity.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
