dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
