My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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