he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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