I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
