You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
