Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
