just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
