Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize