I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
