You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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