Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
