I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
