I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
