The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
