i think my tv is drunk
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
