she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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