But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
