wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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