what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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