Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
