I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
