I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
