why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize