I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
