Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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