so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I think I just sharted jello shots
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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