I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
