Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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